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What is Love?
by selena gomez Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:32 pm
What is Love?
It is complex and powerful.
It confuses many people. Love is a spiritual phenomenon.
As "White
Knight" says:
"On Earth, no one knows
what
love is. All we see and know is the effect of love."
The concept cannot be defined
or
confined in merely the physical realm. Which is why love seems to
defy description. However, this physical realm is where we experience
love's effects. And that part can be described.
Love is a continuum, but
like
the seven official colors in the rainbow, I've separated it, in my mind,
into a few distinct concepts. I've written essays on the kinds of
love I have personally experienced: The
personality of love, the brotherly
kind of
love, the
decision to love, and the
passionate kind of love. My essays on love are written from the
point of view of the lover, instead of the beloved.
Please read about loving
relationships
below, then follow the links to read my concepts about Love itself.
As I experience other forms of love, I will attempt to explain them in
words as well.
Love:
Relationships
Often,
when
people tell us what it would take for them to fall in love, they
will give attributes of their potential beloved. As if the beloved
must prove his or her worthiness.
As in, "I will love you,
if
you do these things for/to me. But if you don’t, or start to do these
other things, which I don’t like, I will not permit myself to
love
you." As if one's love is a reward for good behavior on the part
of the beloved.
This can be true
in the
case of Love:
The
Decision, which can be conditional, but Love:
The Passionate, for instance, has nothing to do with the personality
or "qualifications" of the beloved.
Or, when asked "what
is love?"
They will reply, "when he does this for me," or, "when
she does that to me," or "when he does not do this," et
cetera. Their definition being very focused on what they will receive,
and how that will make them feel loved. It is a passive definition.
Those with this kind of a
definition,
are usually those who have never truly loved, or been in love, I find.
They are waiting to be loved by someone else, before they will dare to
love, only in return.
Some kinds of love are a
state
of being in which the lover resides. Other kinds must be actively
given to the beloved, in order to be satisfied. A love which only
comes when the possessor of that love is being loved by another first,
seems weaker to me. Too dependent on someone else’s behavior, for
it’s existence.
Therefore, I believe
that this
sort of love alone, is inadequate to sustain a loving relationship.
If both members in a relationship only have a love which only comes if
loved first, then how can the love be sustained? There are no
initiators,
only reactors.
However, if one of the
partners
possessed a love which exists whether or not the beloved was "worthy" of
the love, or even loved in return, that could be sufficient to sustain
a loving relationship. One initiator and one responder. However,
since one of the partners is loving in a conditional manner, the
initiator
must work extra hard to be sure to please, and not offend, the
responder.
But of course, the initiator is motivated to do this, so he or she does
not mind. With this kind of relationship, success is likely, but
not guaranteed.
The greatest loving
relationships
exist when both partners love unconditionally. Both are actively
thinking of ways to help and please the other, without a thought of what
they are getting for it, in return. Each is in the relationship for
the welfare of the other, not so that they can feel loved
themselves.
They are, of course, overjoyed to receive love from the other, but for
them, giving love is how they are satisfied, not receiving it.
For indeed, to love is
to give.
To be in a relationship for the sole purpose of receiving love is
selfish. And, relationships wherein the participants only give things
to their partner, for what the will get back for it, are also based on
selfish motivation. And selfishness is the antithesis of love.
To truly love, one must
choose
to risk everything and become absolutely vulnerable. Countless people
have had their hearts broken this way, but countless more have never had
their hearts healed, because they would not risk enough. Love
heals! It's miraculous!
Lovers may
break
our hearts, but only love can truly heal it.
And almost noone has achieved
the
depth of love they could have, because of holding back. And that
breaks my heart. To achieve the ultimate love, we must give
our entire selves to it.
<blockquote>To achieve the
ultimate
love takes the ultimate sacrifice.
I'd rather love without
life,
than live without love.</blockquote>
I can tell you from experience,
that even though it can hurt terribly, it is the only way to live.
Anything less, is an unspeakable tragedy. It’s worth it!!
After you read my essays on the
essences of Love, you may conclude that I have an impossibly idealistic,
romanticized view of love. You may think I've never been hurt badly
enough to become disillusioned, and say to myself, "better to have
never
loved at all..."
I have been wounded,
to
the very core of my soul. And I did say that to myself, for a while.
But then, I got a revelation of what the true, pure essence of Love was
like, and so I no longer threw the baby out with the bath water.
And the love I now possess, has healed my wound, and filled my heart
with
hope again!
Love itself is pure. Our
human experience with it, however, is practically never completely
pure.
"Love hurts," they say. It can be painful, but Love does not
cause harm.
<blockquote>As Saint Paul
wrote:
"Love does no harm to
it's
neighbor."</blockquote>
When we dare to love, and are
hurt
for doing so, it is not Love's fault. Imperfect people love
imperfectly.
If we experience a hurtful relationship, it may be that it has some
pure true love, but it is mixed with misunderstanding and immaturity, or
even a love- counterfeit, like possessiveness,
lust,
reward/ punishment systems, co- dependency, et cetera. Fears, caused
by our wounded pasts, may also play a part in our inability to have a
healthy
loving relationship.
<blockquote>Tom Robbins wrote:
"The bottom line is
that:
(a) people are never perfect, but love can be; (b) that is the one and
only way that the mediocre and vile can
be
transformed; and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking
for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."</blockquote>
Love as purely as you can.
I have found that, even though I am not perfect, the love I show and
feel
is still able to do it's mindblowing, blessed miracles, making my life
and and the lives of those who permit me to show my love to them, more
heavenly; more beautiful.
<blockquote>Love makes you
beautiful.</blockquote>
Pure, unadulterated, perfect
Love
is what I'm writing about in my essays. They show what the experience
is like to love purely, in various ways. They are what I aspire to
always unfailingly express and feel, myself. Please read on about
Love:
The
Personality.
It is complex and powerful.
It confuses many people. Love is a spiritual phenomenon.
As "White
Knight" says:
"On Earth, no one knows
what
love is. All we see and know is the effect of love."
The concept cannot be defined
or
confined in merely the physical realm. Which is why love seems to
defy description. However, this physical realm is where we experience
love's effects. And that part can be described.
Love is a continuum, but
like
the seven official colors in the rainbow, I've separated it, in my mind,
into a few distinct concepts. I've written essays on the kinds of
love I have personally experienced: The
personality of love, the brotherly
kind of
love, the
decision to love, and the
passionate kind of love. My essays on love are written from the
point of view of the lover, instead of the beloved.
Please read about loving
relationships
below, then follow the links to read my concepts about Love itself.
As I experience other forms of love, I will attempt to explain them in
words as well.
Love:
Relationships
Often,
when
people tell us what it would take for them to fall in love, they
will give attributes of their potential beloved. As if the beloved
must prove his or her worthiness.
As in, "I will love you,
if
you do these things for/to me. But if you don’t, or start to do these
other things, which I don’t like, I will not permit myself to
love
you." As if one's love is a reward for good behavior on the part
of the beloved.
This can be true
in the
case of Love:
The
Decision, which can be conditional, but Love:
The Passionate, for instance, has nothing to do with the personality
or "qualifications" of the beloved.
Or, when asked "what
is love?"
They will reply, "when he does this for me," or, "when
she does that to me," or "when he does not do this," et
cetera. Their definition being very focused on what they will receive,
and how that will make them feel loved. It is a passive definition.
Those with this kind of a
definition,
are usually those who have never truly loved, or been in love, I find.
They are waiting to be loved by someone else, before they will dare to
love, only in return.
Some kinds of love are a
state
of being in which the lover resides. Other kinds must be actively
given to the beloved, in order to be satisfied. A love which only
comes when the possessor of that love is being loved by another first,
seems weaker to me. Too dependent on someone else’s behavior, for
it’s existence.
Therefore, I believe
that this
sort of love alone, is inadequate to sustain a loving relationship.
If both members in a relationship only have a love which only comes if
loved first, then how can the love be sustained? There are no
initiators,
only reactors.
However, if one of the
partners
possessed a love which exists whether or not the beloved was "worthy" of
the love, or even loved in return, that could be sufficient to sustain
a loving relationship. One initiator and one responder. However,
since one of the partners is loving in a conditional manner, the
initiator
must work extra hard to be sure to please, and not offend, the
responder.
But of course, the initiator is motivated to do this, so he or she does
not mind. With this kind of relationship, success is likely, but
not guaranteed.
The greatest loving
relationships
exist when both partners love unconditionally. Both are actively
thinking of ways to help and please the other, without a thought of what
they are getting for it, in return. Each is in the relationship for
the welfare of the other, not so that they can feel loved
themselves.
They are, of course, overjoyed to receive love from the other, but for
them, giving love is how they are satisfied, not receiving it.
For indeed, to love is
to give.
To be in a relationship for the sole purpose of receiving love is
selfish. And, relationships wherein the participants only give things
to their partner, for what the will get back for it, are also based on
selfish motivation. And selfishness is the antithesis of love.
To truly love, one must
choose
to risk everything and become absolutely vulnerable. Countless people
have had their hearts broken this way, but countless more have never had
their hearts healed, because they would not risk enough. Love
heals! It's miraculous!
Lovers may
break
our hearts, but only love can truly heal it.
And almost noone has achieved
the
depth of love they could have, because of holding back. And that
breaks my heart. To achieve the ultimate love, we must give
our entire selves to it.
<blockquote>To achieve the
ultimate
love takes the ultimate sacrifice.
I'd rather love without
life,
than live without love.</blockquote>
I can tell you from experience,
that even though it can hurt terribly, it is the only way to live.
Anything less, is an unspeakable tragedy. It’s worth it!!
- As Erica Jong said,
"Do you want me to tell
you
something really subversive? Love is really all it's cracked up to
be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really
is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And
the problem is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
- And as Mahatma Gandhi said,
"A coward is incapable
of
exhibiting love. It is the prerogative of the brave."
After you read my essays on the
essences of Love, you may conclude that I have an impossibly idealistic,
romanticized view of love. You may think I've never been hurt badly
enough to become disillusioned, and say to myself, "better to have
never
loved at all..."
I have been wounded,
to
the very core of my soul. And I did say that to myself, for a while.
But then, I got a revelation of what the true, pure essence of Love was
like, and so I no longer threw the baby out with the bath water.
And the love I now possess, has healed my wound, and filled my heart
with
hope again!
Love itself is pure. Our
human experience with it, however, is practically never completely
pure.
"Love hurts," they say. It can be painful, but Love does not
cause harm.
<blockquote>As Saint Paul
wrote:
"Love does no harm to
it's
neighbor."</blockquote>
When we dare to love, and are
hurt
for doing so, it is not Love's fault. Imperfect people love
imperfectly.
If we experience a hurtful relationship, it may be that it has some
pure true love, but it is mixed with misunderstanding and immaturity, or
even a love- counterfeit, like possessiveness,
lust,
reward/ punishment systems, co- dependency, et cetera. Fears, caused
by our wounded pasts, may also play a part in our inability to have a
healthy
loving relationship.
<blockquote>Tom Robbins wrote:
"The bottom line is
that:
(a) people are never perfect, but love can be; (b) that is the one and
only way that the mediocre and vile can
be
transformed; and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking
for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."</blockquote>
Love as purely as you can.
I have found that, even though I am not perfect, the love I show and
feel
is still able to do it's mindblowing, blessed miracles, making my life
and and the lives of those who permit me to show my love to them, more
heavenly; more beautiful.
<blockquote>Love makes you
beautiful.</blockquote>
Pure, unadulterated, perfect
Love
is what I'm writing about in my essays. They show what the experience
is like to love purely, in various ways. They are what I aspire to
always unfailingly express and feel, myself. Please read on about
Love:
The
Personality.
selena gomez- الجنس :
عدد المساهمات : 28
النقاط : 48851
التقييم : 6
تاريخ التسجيل : 2011-01-02
3loomi- الجنس :
عدد المساهمات : 826
النقاط : 52429
التقييم : 10
تاريخ التسجيل : 2010-09-01
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