funny quotes & sayings

funny quotes & sayings


Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?


If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.


When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

]You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?


Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)


There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.


An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.


Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.


They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.


Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.


If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.










A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips


A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor



All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain



Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Woody Allen